Royal Wedding - Yuck. Prolog

"It's like a fairy tale, isn't it?", you might hear said by some ladies chatting away in the grocery store check out line. The pair are both in their late-30s, dressed in track suits and wearing Crocks on their feet, and are looking at the cover of a celebrity gossip magazine with the shit-eating smiles of Prince William and Kate Middleton emblazoned across it. This gruesome two-some, inbetween episodes of Oprah and The View, are probably in the midst of seperate reveries in which they are being swept off their feet by "Wills" and taken off to Buckingham Palace for a good, long fuck-fest on silk sheets while rose petals fall from some heart shaped void in time and space floating over the bed. They are now a Princess and getting it from the heir-apparent is just one of the many benefits to this fairy-tale lifestyle. There are huge country estates, palaces, cars, planes, celebrity friends, jewels, designer clothes, excess and pampering!!!!! So much better than the IT stooge they married after college and feel obligated to toss a lay to once a week or so. Ugh! To think that I'm going to be adding to this fantasy makes me a bit ashamed of myself.


(Regent Street decked out for the wedding)

I have been asked to cover the Royal Wedding for The Northwest Indiana Times Newspaper. I'll be providing some exclusive color content.

(Regent St. in wedding regalia)

I'm pretty anti-monarchy so I'm hoping to create a more balanced piece about the wedding than most sources will present. The fact is I have not met anyone in London who is excited about a couple of rich super-elites getting married. They are just happy to have the day off. The fact that the wedding is a national holiday helps placate the proleteriate resentments of hereditary heirs to thrones spending millions of pounds on their "special day" while the rest of us have to deal with the massive government cuts the Tories and their Lib-Dem lapdogs have instigated.


(Here is an early picture of the happy couple)

Not being a citizen of the UK limits how far I feel I can display my disdain for the monarchy in public. It's not exactly my fight . . . yet. But I still can't help but feeling a little bit greasy in the pit of my stomach providing positive press over "Wills" and "Kate" getting hitched. Let's face it, any coverage of this wedding will be construed as ultimately promoting it. The best thing would be if nobody paid any attention to what this pack of multi-billionaire power broker welfare recipients do.

(Here is just a reminder that Prince Harry, William's little brother and currently 3rd in line to the throne, likes to get drunk and dress like a Nazi)

Well, it will be interesting to see what kind of story I come up with. I feel a little dirty about it but the truth is good intentions do not pay the kid's nursery bill.